Hello and welcome to my blog. I’m just your local sagittarius that happens to be an introvert. Living a life filled with anxiety can become quite lonely when you always feel like an outsider luckily films and books have always been there for me. Matter of fact the thought behind this blog came about because of my love for film and how often i found myself without anyone to share it with along with a hint of hope that I might come across people with similar interest. I also have a deep love for literature. I enjoy reading it and I also have a passion for creative writing. Unfortunetly i’m very critical of myself and my writing so most of my writing has been kept away in journals. I’m trying really hard to reach out to the world and find my little place in it and I hope through this blog I am able to accomplish that..enjoy.
It is March 2 and the weather couldn’t be any more in sync with my mood as it has been for these past couple of weeks. My new address as of 2018 is Sunny Los Angeles but it seems that the San Francisco fog and its clouds have followed me down from the bay area.
My transition from Menlo Park back to Boyle Heights has been a rough one. I’ve hit a rough patch and it has me feeling the blues. I think the quickest way to lose motivation is having put much work into something only to have it all go down the drain in a second. That’s currently what I’m feeling now, as if my hard work has turned into sand between my fingers.
The old me would have had a nervous breakdown but there’s something peaceful about moving away from a town you lived your whole life in. With that being said I practiced my deep breathing today and I got to thinking positive alternatives to help fix whatever I can. I recognized and accepted my flaws and bad habits, not to put myself down but to analyze the situation as a whole. I came to the realization that whenever I start to doubt myself (which seems to happen a lot) I start to retreat and surrender to my shortcomings which only leads me to half ass everything in the end.
This toxic behavior will stop now. My new mantra being “A toda madre o un desmadre”. This is a quote from a film that till this day I still have mixed feelings about but I love the meaning behind the quote which in English translates as “go all out or you’ll be met with chaos”.
It’s currently April 10, 2018 and the weather has spiked along with the level of my enthusiasm for the future. Many things have been happening for me lately and I’m 93% sure a big chunk of it has to do with following my new mantra.
I must admit though that I have been working hard on these goals for quite some time now so the results that have been appearing are a mix of my consistent hard work along with my new attitude to push through no matter what.
I’ve always dealt with doubt in everything I have pursued which has lead me to live a life that I felt was not for me. When I moved back to Los Angeles this new year I felt that I was letting my environment suck me back in to my old ways and it seriously bummed me out. I felt like I was back to square one then I came across this quote and it really hit home. I decided that I needed to go all out in everything I did to remain on the path I wanted.
Don’t get me wrong it was really hard the first couple of tasks that involved other people. I found my self-doubt pulling me back into my shell but then I remembered about my goals and how being afraid was only temporary and I started to slowly go all out.
This new mantra has led me to reach goals I thought I wouldn’t accomplish until the end of the year and that in itself has sparked a whole new confidence in me. It has truly led me to believe many things are in our power when we remove our fear of failing and pursue our goals with full force.
I hope this experience leads those who are facing similar dilemmas to find the motivation to pursue their dreams.
This list goes out to all my homebodies that would rather just stay home and enjoy a spookathon with friends and family or even alone. My list will consist of films that I feel are note worthy. They are not ranked in any type of order. I hope you Enjoy!
1. Stir of Echoes (1999)
The movie is set in a working class neighborhood in Chicago and is based around Tom Witzky (Kevin Bacon) and his pregnant wife Maggie and his son jake who secretly happens to be able to communicate with dead people. The stir of events begin when tom challenges his wifes sister who’s a well known believer of the paranormal to hypnotize him while at a party. Shortly after Tom experiences visions of a girl who is being vilontly hurt. He later learns that the girl is a 17 year old who had a mental disability and went missing 6 months before him being hypnotized. This leads to him trying to find out the truth of her disapperance.
2. The Babadook (2014)
A recent widow who is in the process of grieving over her husbands sudden death has to take care of her difficult son by herself and deal with the appearance of a mysterious pop-up book called Mister Babadook. While clearly dealing with depression and grief one is left unsure of what they see or what is truly going on. Is it a demon or is this all in the womens mind?
3. House Of 1,000 Corpses (2003)
A horror film written and directed by Rob Zombie. The story revolves around two couples who are held as hostages by a sadistic family on Halloween. They are tortured in ways that will make you lose faith in humanity while shivering at the thought of this ever happening to anyone in real life.
4. The Haunting (1999)
About a group who takes part in a sleep study that’s located in a big mansion. They end up getting more than what they signed up for when Dr. Marrow informs them about the house and its ghostly past.
5. The Amityville Horror (1979)
The first film from the Amityville Horror franchise. Do not confuse with the 2005 remake. The main difference in this film being that the plot focuses on a young newlywed couple as opposed to the 2005 film where it’s a family moving in. (Although I personally think both films are great and should be watched). The 1979 film is based on the alleged supernatural experiences of the Lutz family who buy a new home in Amityville, New York, a house where a mass murder had been committed the year before.
6) A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)
7) Trick ‘r treat (2007)
Five different stories are all interwoven on Halloween in a small town. A High School principal who has a secret life that, a college student thinking she met a guy for her, a woman who hates halloween but has to participate because of her husband who is infatuated with holidays, a group of teens who pull a mean prank, and a mean grumpy old mans encounter with a supernatural trick-or-treater.
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
A young FBI cadet, Clarice Starling needs the help of the brilliant psychiatrist Hannibal Lecter. He happens to be incarcenated because he is a cannibalistic killer and she needs him to help catch another serial killer who skins his victims.
9) Sinister (2012)
A washed up true-crime writer moves his family and himself to a house with a terrible past. His family has no idea about the crime that took place there but he does since his purpose of moving was for researching the crime up and personally to write a book about it. He comes across a film strips and begins to notice each film has a figure. As a result his family starts to suffer along with him.
10. Megan is Missing (2011)
The movie based on two friends who are complete opposites, one is popular and the other is socially awkward. Megan who’s the popular one lives a hidden life of partying, drugs and alcohol and sex in order to maintain her status is emotionally vulnerable. Amy who’s who’s unpopular but a genuine nice innocent girl clings to megan so she can be accepted. Their mutual needs are the foundation of their friendship that is so deep. They regularly communicate by web chat where they chat with boys they don’t know online. Megan comes across an account claiming to be a 17 year old boy named josh. They form a bond quickly as he feeds on her need for love and she decides to meet up with him in person and is never seen again. Amy then goes on a mission to find her. (disclaimer: this film is really freaky, maybe even more so for women)
11) Puppetmaster (1999)
A psychic comes across puppets who came to life after their owner committed suicide. The psychics go to investigate and are stalked by the puppets.
12. Thirteen ghost or ( Thir13en Ghost) (2001)
A man inherits his uncles glass home that he later finds out serves as a prison for 12 ghosts. Once the family enters the house they are trapped inside an evil machine that serves to open the eye of hell. A long with a ghost hunter and his rival who’s a ghost activist who wants to set the ghost free, the group tries to do whatever they can to make it out alive.
13. Wolf Creek (2005)
Three backpackers are stranded in the outbacks of Australia. They are approached by a local who befriends them but is secretly a sadistic psychopath with a whole different agenda.
14. 1408 (2007)
A man who is well known for debunking paranormal occurrences checks into room 1408 in the Dolphin Hotel where there is much speculation about paranormal activity. Soon after he settles in and thinks its all a hoax he experiences true terror.
15. The Blair Witch Project (1999)
Three film students who planned to film a documentary on the local blair witch legend go missing after traveling into a maryland forest. The only thing found is their footage that was left behind.
16 The silenced (Korean)
A girl is transferred to a mysterious boarding school after her mother abandons her, she is forced to discover its secrets in order to survive.
17. Halloween (1978)
Fifteen years after murdering his sister on a Halloween night, Michael Myers escapes from the mental hospital they’ve been keeping him in ever since and returns to the small town of Haddonfield to kill again.
18 Hide and seek (2013) (korean )
A successful businessman who has the perfect family and lives in a luxuries apartment has another life he tries to keep hidden. No one knows he has a brother and when he gets a call that his brother is missing he tries to figure out what happened. He meets a man who knows him that warns him to tell his brother to stop watching his daughter and he then realizes all these symbols written everywhere of genders and numbers of people. Once he leaves back to his home he notices a similar symbol written in his house.
19. Let the right one in (2008) (swedish)
Oskar is a small boy who gets overlooked by the adults in his life and bullied by his peers finds love and revenge through Eli, a beautiful but peculiar girl.
20 The wailer (2006) (in spanish)
Six students that are traveling to Mexico get stuck in a small town where a tragedy took place a long time ago that resulted in the death of a women and her children and where she is often heard crying.
Let me just start off by stating how incredible anxious i am feeling at this very moment. As a person who deals with anxiety this has become quite a “normal” sensation if you can even put those two words in the same sentence. As someone that deals with social anxiety it would be ridiculous to even pretend that I don’t care what people have to say about me because in reality i overthink everything I say and do. I also happen to be a “chronic sharer”. I like to get everything out there in the open so that those around me know what they are in for. That being said many would assume i’d be pretty open about my writing too but it’s just not that easy when it comes to things that I hold dear to my heart. Books, films and especially journals have gotten me through the loneliest and lowest points in my life. With that being said I’ve gone through about five journals since I turned 11. When I was younger I enjoyed writing short stories and poems since i’ve always been more of a dreamer as a way to cope with reality but as my anxiety and depression got the best of me I retreated from all the things I enjoyed the most. I became very self conscious and self critical and believed everything I did and had interest in wasn’t for me. I once use to be very proud of my work but slowly started doubting everything i did because when I go through these lows it’s very hard to think about anything in a positive way. Luckily I always find myself fighting against those lows and trying my best to get better.
Since I moved up to the bay area from L.A last August I found myself feeling low and very out of sort. I took a step back and realized I can either stay in the rut I was in mentally or I could try to get it together enough to pursue some peace of mind. I have been doing things I never thought would be possible for me again and it’s really opening my world. So with that being said I will be sharing some of my writing with who ever cares to read it for the first time in many many years.